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Sat, Dec. 14

Column: Harry's escapades all in a day's work

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?

Prince Harry was caught by cell phone cameras partying naked with women in a Las Vegas hotel room Tuesday, where they played strip billiards. It's part of his training for his future official duties. Prince Harry becomes king when Charlie Sheen dies.

Roger Clemens signed with a Texas independent league baseball team Monday even though he's 50 years old. However, the speed of his fastball indicates he's better than ever. Thanks to his AARP discount he can afford more steroids and he gets free shipping.

The New York Giants were caught hazing in the locker room in cellphone photos posted last week. One guy was pushed into a tub of ice water eight times. His teammates weren't hazing him, they're just so brain-damaged that they forgot they had already done it.

The Princeton Review named West Virginia University the nation's top party school in its an annual ranking. The dubious honor actually improves the school's reputation. Last weekend, a fire broke out on sorority row that almost took out the entire trailer park.

Joe Biden plans to crash the GOP Convention in Tampa Monday by making campaign speeches there. The trip was timed with carefully charted precision. President Obama can pick Hillary Clinton to be his running mate but only if Joe Biden is killed in a hurricane.

The GOP Convention in Tampa is threatened by Hurricane Isaac Monday. They don't have to cancel thanks to cell phones. Mitt Romney could be the first candidate nominated by 2,200 delegates standing alone in their hotel room bathtubs.

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