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Sat, Aug. 24

Column: Obama jumps on Sheen bandwagon

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?

President Obama rolled out his new motto, Winning the Future, on the campaign trail this week. The administration is beset by unemployment and mounting debts. As Lincoln once said, it's a government of Charlie Sheen, by Charlie Sheen and for Charlie Sheen.

Warner Brothers fired Charlie Sheen from "Two and a Half Men" Monday, leaving the world's top-rated TV star jobless. The guy is very polarizing. Sheen is so adored in Hollywood and hated in the Bible Belt that Republicans naturally believe he was born in Kenya.

The NFL Players Union issued a lockout handbook to players Tuesday. It offered tips on how to cut personal expenses. They recommended eating in to save on food, turning out lights to save on energy bills, and staying in at night to save on alimony and child support.

Congressman Peter King began hearings on Islamic radicalism in the U.S. Thursday, insisting he's not profiling Arabs. In 10 years, two million blacks and 40 thousand Latinos have converted to Islam. They just can't get enough of that ethnic profiling stuff.

Hillary Clinton was upset by an NCIS episode on CBS last week which depicted her being held hostage by al-Qaida. It was her third appearance in a crime series. The first one ran for eight years in Arkansas and the second one ran for eight years in Washington.

Congress received an independent report Tuesday saying that the U.S. military has too many whites and too many men in charge. They can fix this in their pitch to recruits. All they've got to do is stop promising career training and start promising teacher's pensions.

Wisconsin Republicans accused the Democratic state senators-in-hiding of sneaking back into the state to visit their wives. What's in the water this week? Charlie Sheen got sober and lost his job and Wisconsin politicians are sneaking into their own homes to have sex with their wives.

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