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Thu, Dec. 12

Column: Cheney memoir harmful to health

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

BEVERLY HILLS - God bless America, and how's everybody?

Dick Cheney began promoting his vice presidential memoir, "In My Time," with a Today Show interview in Washington Friday. He predicted on the air that heads will explode when the book comes out. That can only mean that the book tour is doubling as a hunting trip.

Washington D.C. residents were reeling Friday after being hit by an earthquake and a hurricane in the same week. The streets were chaotic. The Washington Monument had to be closed after the earthquake when former Mayor Marion Barry heard it had crack in it.

Warren Buffett invested five billion in shares of Bank of America Thursday after the investor telephoned President Obama. The billionaire is such a meddler. If he can't raise taxes on the wealthy he at least wants to raise the debit card fees on everyone else.

New Yorkers stocked up on water, canned goods and emergency supplies on Friday as Hurricane Irene spun north. They needed to replenish their earthquake kits anyway. They learned the hard way that you can't stay safe just by investing in Treasury bills.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs resigned for health reasons on Thursday. He plans to remain as chairman. The White House was just relieved it's not another case of Jobs moving to China or Mexico.

The NRA plans to sue the White House for usurping congressional power when they banned bulk gun sales in border states. Smith and Wesson just made a gun which honors the U.S. Congress. It doesn't work and you can't fire it.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn flew to Paris in triumph after a rape charge was dropped by the district attorney. When Thomas Paine wrote "The Rights of Man" 200 years ago, the French translation gave man a little more leeway.

Texas Governor Rick Perry led Mitt Romney and Ron Paul in Gallup's poll of the GOP presidential candidates Friday. Conservatives love his cowboy rhetoric. If he becomes president the only thing that can prevent an invasion of Iran is the discovery of oil in Syria.

L.A. Dodgers owner Frank McCourt sealed his doom by sending out a questionnaire to fans asking them to grade Vin Scully as the play-by-play announcer. The owner is out of his mind. All three major religions in Los Angeles recognize Vin Scully as the one true God.

Dick Cheney's vice presidential memoir, In My Time, arrived in bookstores Saturday about the former vice president's long political career. He makes no apologies for his actions. The audio version of the book is the sound of terrorists in a blender for two hours.

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