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5:01 PM Sat, Nov. 17th

Column: Rangel, TSA words have similar ring

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?

Charlie Rangel stood in the well of the House Thursday and apologized to Congress. He thanked them for allowing him to address the greatest body in the world. It's the same thing the TSA screeners say to the women who go through Los Angeles Airport security.

The TSA was overwhelmed by complaints Friday from passengers who were fondled by airport screeners. Misunderstanding is rampant. Every time Al Gore asks the TSA for a happy ending while they are patting him down, they assure him his flight will land safely.

Prince William announced his engagement to Kate Middleton at Buckingham Palace Tuesday. He gave her the 18-carat sapphire ring his father gave to Princess Diana. The ring is actually 17-carats of sapphire and one carat recording device and GPS.

Tiger Woods marked the one-year anniversary of his Thanksgiving Day marriage rupture by discussing his golf game. He always gives it 110 percent. That's how he wound up giving 100 percent to his mistresses and 10 percent to his wife.

James Carville told a crowd Friday if Hillary Clinton gave President Obama one of her testicles they'd each have one. He's not the first person to say this. For years the number-one selling children's book in Little Rock was Chelsea Has Two Fathers.

Wesley Snipes was sent to prison for three years Friday for a tax conviction. He was never offered any payment plan. In his last movie Wesley Snipes played a guy who wanted to join a violent and armed group with no regard for the law, but the IRS wasn't hiring.

The Universal Studios Tour in Hollywood hosted the 33 rescued Chilean miners Friday. They got a tram ride that gives visitors a scary, action-packed adventure full of special effects. Every time the tram went into the tunnel the miners started rationing their potato chips.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood.