Originally Published: January 26, 2010 10 p.m.
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?
President Obama offered himself as a champion of Main Street Thursday. He went after banks, insurance companies, Big Oil and big corporations. Last week he created a thousand jobs, but not everyone is qualified to pilot a ferry to the Cayman Islands.
President Obama will give his State of the Union speech tonight to a joint session of Congress in the House of Representatives. Precautions were taken. Two Chicago politicians will be kept out of the chamber in case of a catastrophe to assure continuity of government.
The Dow Jones fell 400 points after President Obama announced his plan for financial regulation. He wants to slap a tax on banks, limit the size of banks, and restrict the business of banks. Democrats believe it's a refreshing change to have a president who deliberates long and hard before he makes a God-awful decision.
Queen Elizabeth announced plans Friday to speak before the U.N. General Assembly in New York. She'll be in town on legal business anyway. The U.S. is considering having its name legally changed to Colonies R Us in an apparent effort to evade creditors.
Osama bin Laden released a tape Sunday warning of new planned al-Qaida attacks on the U.S. His son just wrote a tell-all book revealing that Osama was a cruel father. In the bin Laden house, if you didn't eat all your infidels, you didn't get dessert.
Brett Favre went down fighting with the New Orleans Saints on Sunday. We haven't seen the last of the big guy. Favre's annual retirement is America's most beloved soap opera now that CBS has canceled the "Guiding Light" and "As the World Turns."
The Mars orbiter sent back photos showing Mars once had lakes and rivers as well as ice on its south pole. It satisfies the natural curiosity. Americans want to know if there's life on Mars, and if there is, if John Edwards is the father.
The Atlantic Monthly reported there are organized movements in 13 states to secede from the United States. Every time NASA does a countdown at Cape Canaveral, people think they're reading the list of states that are still in the Union.
Senator John Cornyn told Fox News Sunday that Republicans have excellent ideas for health care reform. It could save taxpayers trillions. Under the Republican health care plan, people with no insurance will be allowed to keep their current plan.