Trusted local news leader for Prescott area communities since 1882
Mon, Jan. 27

Column: If 60 is new 40, lower taxes are new N-word

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?

Tea Party rallies were held nationwide on Tax Day Thursday, attracting millions of protesters. The Democrats tried to portray them as racist. If 60 is the new 40 and Toyota is the new Pinto, lower taxes and less government are the new N-word.

The National Day of Prayer was ruled unconstitutional by a U.S. Court of Appeals Thursday. It won't stand. The case will be appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court, where six Catholics, two Jews, and a 90-year-old man are said to be tilting towards God.

Jerry Jones was caught on video rambling about football while drunk at a piano bar last week. The video raced around the Internet. Whenever a Texas team owner is photographed dancing on top of a piano bar while drunk, the Republicans nominate him for president.

Nicolas Cage lost his Bel-Air mansion to foreclosure, a month after he lost two homes to foreclosure in New Orleans. The guy can't win. At the height of the real estate market he bought a vacation house at the base of a volcano in Iceland.

Iceland was the site of a volcano eruption last week that spewed thick clouds of ash over Europe. It shut down all air travel across the continent. So many flights were canceled that airport body scanner machines had to drive to Amsterdam to get their daily fix of naked women.

Al Pacino plays Jack Kevorkian in an HBO movie this Saturday. It's amazing how things can change if you just hang in there. Fifteen years ago Kevorkian was considered the crazed suicide doctor and today he is the father of health care reform.

Ben Roethlisberger lost his commercial endorsement deal for Big Ben Beef Jerky Wednesday in the wake of the sex assault charges against him. It's not all bad. He lost his ad deal for beef jerky but he's been hired to be the villain in pepper spray commercials.

The U.S. Border Patrol raided Arizona shuttle bus drivers for smuggling illegal aliens Thursday. It's the best evidence yet the economy's recovering. People finally have enough cash to buy marijuana and there aren't enough farm workers to harvest it.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood.

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