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Mon, Oct. 21

Column: Kitty Kelly's nosiness could be life-saving

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?

Kitty Kelley began promoting her new biography of Oprah Winfrey on Monday. She previously wrote that Nancy Reagan and Frank Sinatra had sex in the White House and George W. Bush snorted cocaine in his dad's Oval Office. The good thing about Kitty Kelley doing a book about you is that sometimes she can find polyps and it will save your life.

Qatar's Ambassador to the U.S. was caught smoking in an airliner bathroom Friday on a U.S. domestic flight. Fighter jets scrambled after he joked he was lighting his shoes on fire. In America, you can go to jail for using a joke that's eight years old.

President Obama's approval ratings kept falling as the Tea Party gained momentum. He's looking like a one-term president. The American people are grateful to him for pulling the country out of a hole but they don't intend to be sentimental about it.

President Obama fell to a 43 percent approval rating Monday. He just reduced the U.S. nuclear arsenal, then downgraded the threat of radical Islam. Nike released an ad with the late Earl Woods' voice asking Obama if he's learned anything.

Tiger Woods refused to apologize for his swearing at the Masters, saying that's how he feels about poor shots. He's a changed man. Tiger has stopped pursuing Jack Nicklaus' records and he's begun listening to Richard Pryor's records.

Texas Stadium was imploded with a ton of dynamite Sunday. It was time to start over. The Dallas Cowboys stopped doing coke and dating strippers and shooting up nightclubs 10 years ago and now Jerry Jones can't sell a luxury box to save his soul.

Prince Charles' wife Camilla Parker Bowles broke her leg Thursday while hiking in England. Their marriage was only recently possible. Things have changed since a Prince of Wales couldn't marry a divorced woman or have her shot if she breaks a leg.

The Vatican marked the 40th anniversary of the Beatles break-up Monday by forgiving them for doing drugs and claiming they were bigger than Jesus. The church leaders singled out Paul McCartney. They said they especially wanted to forgive the cute one.

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