'Single' needs to be honest with his girlfriend
I am a single man 38-years-old, dating a woman who is 32. I like her a lot, but we are not engaged, and have no long term plans. But, since I am not totally committed to her, I am also dating another girl - from time to time. My first girlfriend does not know that. I am wondering if you think that is cheating in the same way as if we were engaged. The way I see it, I am single, so what the heck. Why not enjoy myself?
I have a suspicion that you are having sex with both women. Shame on you. You should tell your "real" girlfriend you are dating someone else "from time to time." Yes, you are cheating, and she should know it so she can protect herself physically in case you bring some disease to her. Sir, you need to get your life together, and soon.
I read in your column a few weeks ago about a step-mom who asked her husband to "cut his time in half with his kids."
Your answer was right on the nail. You reminded her that she knew when she married him he had kids. What did she think would happen after she married him? That they would just go away? I hope she never has kids. What would she do with them if they caused her too much work? Or, if she gets a divorce and her new husband asked her to cut her time with them?
I guess now-a-days, it doesn't matter about family. It's all about yourself. I would not know what to do without my children and grandkids, including the adopted ones. And great grandbabies? They are my world.
My husband adopted my two little ones when we married 40 years ago and never has asked me what "step-mom" asked you. If he would have, it would have been "bye bye for him." I only hope she comes around and sees what a joy these children could put into her life.
So sorry for going on and on, but God has blessed me with four children and their spouses and 12 grandkids, plus the ones they care for, and two great grandkids. I guess I can't know what it's like to not want them around, including adopted ones.
Thank you for your passionate letter. The way you love and care for your family, I can see why you have been married for 40 years. I feel quite sure they love you, too.
Many years ago, my brother married a girl who had a darling little two-year-old girl. They went on to have two boys. My husband and I adopted our first born daughter, Lisa. Then, we, too went on to have another girl and a boy. That gave my parents six grandchildren.
Years later, my dad (their grandpa), in a circulating family letter wrote, "I have six grandchildren. Two of them are adopted, but I can't remember which two it is."
I thought that was one of the most precious things I have ever heard in my life. That was Dad's way of saying, he loved them all the same. But, my dad was like that.
Note: If you are dating someone with children from a former marriage, don't be so selfish that you think you are entitled to come between those kids and their parent. Find someone without kids. Those children deserve the undivided attention of their parent.
You can write to Jan Kolb at P.O. Box 27545, Prescott Valley, AZ 86312. Or email: email@example.com