BEVERLY HILLS - God bless America, and how's everybody?
Nike and Gatorade and Gillette backed Tiger Woods on Thursday. The endorsement contracts have a morals clause. It cancels the deal if he does something the company considers immoral like, for instance, if Tiger starts flipping houses, they don't have to pay him.
Tiger Woods apologized for his adultery Wednesday. He cheated on his wife with a mistress, cheated on the mistress with a waitress, then cheated on the waitress with the hostess. Nobody bought his original story that he signed the wrong scorecard.
Tiger Woods was reported on CNBC to have offered Elin $55 million to stay in the marriage for seven years and never tell her story. This might work out. It could put the spice back in the marriage if she takes money to sleep with him.
L.A. waitress Jamiee Grubbs played a recorded message from Tiger Woods asking her to hide the affair. She's a cocktail waitress and a receptionist at a medical marijuana store. That means she's just a cocaine connection away from earning her masters in Los Angeles studies.
Tiger Woods's neighbors said both Tiger's mother and his mother-in-law were in the house when he crashed. It won't happen again. The NFL has agreed to air games next Thanksgiving until two in the morning to keep relatives from talking to each other.
Alabama newspapers said Thursday a woman who legally changed her name to Jesus Christ was tossed off a jury for being disruptive. It was obviously not her real name. First of all she's a woman and second she didn't look anything like Bear Bryant.
The Interior Department allowed people to hunt prairie dogs again now that the population of ground squirrels has rebounded. It's the same policy the Fed uses to set interest rates. As soon as things start to get better they shoot you in the head.