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Tue, Oct. 22

Now that ex has married, time to move on

Dear Jan:

I have a 5-year-old son with an ex-boyfriend who is now married to another woman.

Before he married, I was always invited to family gatherings just as if I were a formal member of the family. Now that he has married, they have stopped inviting me to family gatherings, dinners, etc. They want my son, but not me. This hurts me very much.

We were never married, but I feel as if his family, his parents, brother and sister-in-law, etc. are my family.

I am sure his new wife is the reason they stopped inviting me. I know it is her fault because she is so jealous. How can I make them understand this is unfair to me and include me as they did before?

Signed, Left Out

Dear Left Out:

Now that your ex-boyfriend is married, it is not appropriate to invite you to family gatherings every time.

His new wife is certainly the reason, as it should be. The proper times to invite you would be when it directly relates to your son: his birthday, school functions, graduations, etc. But to expect to be included in all family activities is immature on your part.

You need to get on with your life, as your ex has.

Signed, Jan

Dear Jan,

The advice you gave the 25-year-old who thinks he is in love with a 16-year-old was not helpful. Don't you think he has already heard "Stay away from her. You can go to jail?" And more than likely they have had sex, which is why he thinks he is in love with her. Men associate the feeling of euphoria after sex with love.

Instead, why not educate him and tell him "Love is when you can look into a person's eyes, say the words, 'I love you,' feel them in your heart, and NOT have the lower half of your body respond." The best way to help people is to educate them.

Signed, Name Withheld

Dear Name:

Your answer regarding the 25-year-old man "in love" with the 16-year-old girl is a very good one. People do need to be educated.

Thank you for your insight. I do admit I am short on patience with older men and minor girls. I am sure you could share other good insights with me. I am always open to a fresh point of view. Thank you for your note.

Signed, Jan

You can write to Jan Kolb at P.O. Box 27545, Prescott Valley, AZ 86312. Or

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