Think of children before getting involved
I read your column a few weeks go from "Step Mom" who asked her husband to cut his time with his children from his first marriage in half.
I can't believe she would ask her husband to do that. Your answer was right on. She knew when she married him he had kids. What did she think would happen after she married him? That they would go away?
I hope she never has kids of her own. What would she do with them if they caused her too much work? Or if she gets a divorce and her new husband asked her to cut her time with them?
I guess nowadays, it doesn't matter about family, it's about yourself. I would not know what to do without my children and grandkids, [including adopted ones] and great grandbabies. They are my world. My husband adopted my two little ones when we married 40 years ago and never has asked me what "Step Mom" asked.
If he would have asked me to cut my time with them in half, it would have been goodbye for him. I only hope she comes around and sees what a joy these children will bring to her life. Sorry for going on and on, but God has blessed me with four children and their spouses and 12 grandkids and the ones they care for and two great-grandchildren. I guess I can't know what it is like to not want them around. (And like I said including the adopted ones.)
You are no doubt a wonderful mother and grandmother. We are living in a time when many people are basicly selfish. It is a "what about me" world. And, unfortunately, the children are paying the price.
People who marry someone with children should understand that they still have duties as a parent. They should pay child support faithfully. Making a new family does not excuse you from your responsibility to the first one.
They should have regular visits, and often. Holidays and vacations should include the children as much as possible. If you cannot fully accept the children of your new spouse, then don't marry them. To expect them to cut back on their time with their children to hold your hand is a selfish, shameful thing to do. Find someone without children so you can be the little darling of his life.
Supporting two families is expensive, but that is life. Think it over carefully before you get involved with someone with a family. And if you are planning to remarry, you had better talk this through before the wedding, not after. Remember, children frist. Period!
My wife is a wonderful cook. There was a time when she made wonderful meals for our family. But now that I have retired, and the kids are grown up, she just quit. What should I do?
I guess you had better find a favorite restaurant. Looks like she has retired, too.
You can write to Jan Kolb at P.O. Box 27545, Prescott Valley, AZ 86312. Or email: firstname.lastname@example.org