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Mon, March 18

How to divorce proof your marriage

Is it possible to divorce-proof your marriage?

If so, how does one do that? What are some of the signs to tell that your marriage is in trouble and on the brink of divorce?

This does not mean that many good marriages have no problems. There are often problems agreeing about money, in-laws, raising children, balancing jobs and family, etc. Yes, there are problems good people are facing every day. But are any of these reasons for divorce?

The excuses for divorce are getting weaker as the years go by.

There was a time when a couple had to have "grounds" for divorce. Those grounds were things like proven adultery, physical (and mental) abuse that was for real, drunkenness, and serious things like that.

Now-a-days, couples divorce for weak reasons such as, we just fell out of love, or our jobs and careers are conflicting with each other, etc.

Where is the commitment these days? What did it mean when couples promised "for better or worse, in sickness and health, for riches or poorer, forsaking all others, till death do we part?"

What are some of the things to watch for ... besides the usual, flirtations, cheating, etc.

Watch for:

Emotional distances

that get deeper and wider

Don't become critical of your mate.

Instead of focusing on the negative, start focusing on the positive things about your mate.

If you notice your mate is

depressed, or seems to be

preoccupied, find out why

Be someone they can talk to. Ask questions. And for goodness sake, listen to what they have to say. Being a good listener is vital to any marriage.

Beware of being too

power happy

I know of a man who was disciplining his son. The wife didn't think he was being tough enough so she said, "When your dad gets through with you, if he doesn't do a good job, I will take over."

That was demeaning to the husband, and showed that she was used to "wearing the pants in the family," and that couple had trouble.

A few years later, they were divorced.

Some couples have trouble if the wife makes more money in her career than the husband does.

Some men's ego will not handle that. Talk it out. Work it out. Watch that power hungry controlling attitude does not take over.

Take quality time

for each other

Have a date night. Take a trip together at least once a year.

Spend time with each other away from the job, the kids, and all responsibilities that demand your attention.

Guard your time together. Make it special. It does not have to be expensive to be special. I am all for quality family time together. But couples need time to re-connect, too.

Remember, "The best thing you can do for your children is to love their mother (or their father)." That is a true statement.

Your marriage is sacred

I sometimes have people rebuke me for referring to couples who live together outside of marriage as "shacking up."

They say it is too harsh a term.

Well, there is nothing honorable about living together outside of marriage.

The man/woman relationship is beautiful, but must be honorable to be beautiful.

Living together outside of marriage cheapens your relationship.

Marriage is still sacred before God. Divorce should not happen because people get tired of each other, and living together before marriage is no guarantee that your marriage will last.

Treat your relationship with respect. Honor each other enough to marry before you play house.

When you marry, earnestly work at your marriage.

Love each other. Take care of each other. There really is a "happily ever-after."

You can write to Jan Kolb at P.O. Box 27545, Prescott Valley, AZ 86312. Or e-mail:


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