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Thu, Feb. 27

We're doing a great job for terrorist cause

Taking a page from the unpublished O.J. Simpson book, if I were a terrorist, what would be my domestic strategy for bringing America to its knees?

The recent incident aboard a US Airways plane in Minneapolis exposed one component of my strategy. I would have suggested that six imams shout "Allah" as they approached the plane for boarding and then not take their as-signed seats once onboard.

I would have told them to sit in seats where they could block every exit, including the one in first class, which is closest to the cockpit.

When a passenger rai-ses concerns in a note to a flight attendant and authorities remove them from the plane in handcuffs, I would call a news conference and conduct other media events, including an interfaith "pray-in" at Washington's Reagan National Airport. I would hurl charges of religious bigotry and racial profiling at cowering officials.

Next, I would persuade sympathetic members of Congress, like the vociferous Sheila Jackson-Lee (D-Texas) to say that the Sept. 11 attacks "cannot be permitted to be used to justify racial profiling, harassment and discrimination of Muslim and Arab Americans."

When officials delay mebecause my name is on a "watch list," despite fruitless efforts to have it removed, I don't claim persecution or profiling. When they empty my computer bag of its contents and they examine every item in it, including power cords, for signs of explosive powder, I don't claim discrimination. I can't even vent my frustration verbally, nor can I make jokes about bombs. Signs warn me they could deny me access to the plane. But I might be a diversion, were I a terrorist.

The Washington Times carried a front-page story recently that exposed my nefarious plan to weaken American resolve against terrorists further. After much of the media initially took the "racial profiling" and "flying while Muslim" line, the Times discovered my real objective. The newspaper interviewed witnesses who said the imams were not speaking only in English, as they claimed, but also Arabic. Nothing wrong with that, but the witnesses also said they were criticizing the war in Iraq and President Bush and talking about al-Qaida and Osama bin Laden.

The Times quoted a flight attendant who maintained that one of the men made two trips to the rear of the plane to talk with an imam during boarding and again when officials delayed the flight because of their behavior. Aviation officials, including air marshals and pilots, told the newspaper these actions alone would not warrant a second look, but the combination was suspicious.

The story quotes Robert MacLean, a former air marshal: "That's like shouting 'fire' in a crowded theater. You just can't do that anymore."

Other parts of my plan for destroying America, if I had one, are also coming together. Mosques and Islamic schools, many financed by the extremist Wahaabi sect based in Saudi Arabia, are "exploding." My brilliant idea (if it was mine and if it was for real) encourages Americans to have abortions or small families, while the "peaceful religionists" have large families in order to skew the demographic in Western countries. Politically, if I had a plan, it would be to mobilize immigrants and those born in America to vote to change the immigration policies of the U.S. and lower its guard to assure the ultimate destruction of America.

Drat! They discovered my plan, but another time and maybe the next time, or the time after that, I will succeed again.

This is how I would think, if I were a terrorist.

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