Originally Published: December 28, 2017 5:59 a.m.
Dear Idiot Americans: Ha ha ha ha ha. Boy, did we screw you over. Royally! We did exactly what we, the elite, wanted to do. Don’t you love our new tax bill? We wrote it behind closed doors, for our buddies the corporations and rich people. We had fun doing it. Mostly because there were over 6,000 lobbyists helping us write it. We didn’t even read it! So, not only do we get paid to be your “representatives” (what does that even mean?), but we had our grunts do the work for us. And we convinced a lot of you it was good. Man this country is great. At least for us in Washington, DC.
We’ve been told that you called. That you wrote letters and emails. That you signed petitions and used every possible means to let us know you didn’t want this bill passed. What? We never saw any of that. Not a peep of protest. Anyway, you think we represent you? Two-thirds of you didn’t want this bill to pass? C’mon, this is the age of lies and corruption. We don’t care about you, your petty sad lives, medical bills, college debt, cancer-riddled bodies, starving infants. Obviously.
And we’ll use your tax dollars to fund our massive party after Donnie signs our wonder bill into law!
Signed, the Congressional Repugnant-cans. PS: Pay no attention to that worn-out phrase “civil disobedience” you’ll be hearing a lot soon. That’s outdated. Ignore that. Doesn’t work. Just shut up. Yeah, you. We don’t care.