4/28/2008 9:52:00 PM Parents, adult children need to talk it out
The Daily Courier/Jo. L. Keener
Sally Schindel, left and mother Kathryn Blakslee work a puzzle at Las Fuentes on Thursday, April 24. Sally assists her mother with tough decisions because of her mother’s age.
Talking with your elderly parents about aging issues can be fraught with pitfalls, especially if you have yet to make the transition from child to adult in your relationship. A recent study by the Boomer Project - a research and consulting company focusing on baby boomers, who are 44 to 62 years old this year - discovered that nearly one-third of boomer adults in the U.S. have trouble talking to their elderly parents because they still feel trapped in their role as a child.
There are ways to initiate timely, sensitive discussions with parents about their health care needs.
Home Instead Senior Care - an Omaha-headquartered company with more than 800 franchises worldwide that provides non-medical help to seniors - has prepared a pamphlet called "The 40-70 Rule" suggesting ways to start these conversations with parents. The name reflects the organization's suggestion that if you are 40 or your parents are 70, it's time to start having these talks.
"The worst thing you can do is just ignore these things," said Nancy Meek, community service representative with the Home Instead Senior Care franchise in Prescott.
For example, if a son or daughter notices that mom isn't keeping her house as tidy as she once did, or if dad starts driving through stop signs, it's better to have a talk with them right away instead of waiting until they hurt themselves or someone else.
Trying to make decisions during a crisis is the worst time to do it, Meeks says.
In July, Prescott resident Sally Schindel came to the realization that her 90-year-old mother, Kathryn Blakslee, needed help with daily living.
"She was becoming very weak," Schindel said. One day when all of Schindel's brothers and sisters were in Prescott, they sat down with their mom and had a talk. Luckily, it went pretty smoothly.
Now, "All my children know my wishes," Blakslee said. In addition, Blakslee is getting the help she needs from several community resources in addition to Home Instead Senior Care. Schindel says that that kind of care for her mother "allows me to have a regular life, too."
Another service in the Prescott area that helps seniors is Nursing Care Consultants Inc. that Suzi Anderson, a board-certified geriatric nurse, owns. Anderson coordinates whatever care a senior might need.
"I help sons and daughters who live out of town," Anderson said. "I connect the client with the care they need. It's kind of like being a hired professional daughter."
One thing Anderson says she emphasizes is that people are not helpless in the face of changes in their lives. They just have to know where to find the help they need. And that's where Anderson - and businesses like hers - comes in.
Anderson says she's spent the past year plugging in to all of the tri-city organizations available to help the aging. Her goal, she says, is to allow seniors to live out their lives in the least restrictive community setting possible.
Home Instead Senior Care has free copies of "The 40-70 Rule" pamphlet at its office at 240 S. Montezuma St., Suite 206. The company's phone number is 708-9960. For more information on how to talk to an elderly parent about sensitive health issues visit www.homeinstead.com.
You can contact Anderson at 776-4954. Her website is www.nursingcareconsultants.com.
Contact the reporter at tshultz@prescottaz.com
Reader Comments
Posted: Sunday, September 27, 2009
Article comment by:
No name provided
It's not right that American Society infantilizes people who have chronic/terminal medical conditons or people who are elderly! As a society we should be giving more respect to our parents and grandparents in their later years and not treat as if they were children! Its a shame, if it wasn't for them none of us would be alive! The only time an adult should be treated as a child is after they have been thoroughly tested and declared incompetent to handle their own affairs! As a society we don't do that there is reverse rolls and children end up thinking their the boss of Mom and Dad! I've solved the problem for me; I'm never having kids, period, end of discussion! No kid of mine is going to be ordering me around in my later years! I'm 31 now and I've been around a lot of hospitals, nursing homes, etc. I've seen the dynamics that goes on between client/patient and caregiver/family! It makes me sick to my stomach! Just think if everyone made the decision I'm making we'd be extinct, all because the younger generation wants to take charge of the older generation!
